9.3.18: warm glow

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about energy. Where does it come from? How can we generate it?

I have been falling asleep under the orange glow of my desktop salt lamp each night. I imagine that it is imbuing me with some mystic power as I sleep. I imagine that I will awake with new eyes. I rise and press my fingers to it, communing, inviting. I am here. It is warm to the touch.

I park my car and ride the glass-walled Greene Street Parking Deck elevator to the third level Triad Stage staff entrance. Rooftops, windows, and fire escapes are softened and made warm in the early light. It is a familiar orange glow. I feel as though the lamp has opened its mouth and breathed its light into the world. I am here. I imagine that I have carried the light in my belly, from my bedside. It releases behind me like a trailing mist.

Orange is both present and liminal. It is a quiet, attentive listener. It is light in transition. August to September. The first glimpses of autumn. A pillar. Power on reserve.

Magic and pragmatism are at a convergence in my life. I find myself wondering about ghosts. I hold my breath when I pass a graveyard. I make wishes on dandelions. I am also investing in a healthy lifestyle—cooking for myself, eating well, getting in touch with my body through yoga and daily walks. Journaling. Spending time with animals. Sending letters to friends, semi-regularly. I seek tactile activities, opportunities to see what my hands are capable of. I want to cradle what I create in my fingers. Clarity is seeing my mind laid out in front of me. I want to hold it between my palms.

I am working on cultivating curiosity without surrendering my agency. Magic demands passivity. When I imagine brushes with magic, I am not privy to my own power. Otherworldly forces are at work behind my back. I sleep. I avert my gaze. I am chosen. I do not choose.

I am working on choosing.

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What I'm reading: The Cripple of Inishmaan by Martin McDonagh, Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie, Bust Magazine August/September issue

What I'm watching: To All the Boys I've Loved Before on Netflix, Mother! on Hulu, Barry on HBO Now, Crazy Rich Asians in theaters

What I'm listening to: Snap Judgment Presents: Spooked podcast s1 + s2, Up and Vanished podcast s2